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Your Identity in Christ: A Mirror

Ephesians 5:21-31

Sermon Text:  Ephesians 5:21-31

21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Sermon:

Have you ever been in one of those conversations where people are giving advice on how you know you’ve found the right person to spend your life with? Maybe you were the one receiving the advice, maybe you were the one giving the advice. And I’m sure you’ve heard all the canned answers (not that they’re bad answers, they’re just the typical ones)... "They’re someone who shares your faith." "Someone who is head over heels for Jesus." "Someone you can see yourself spending every day with for the rest of your life." Over the years there was one that really stuck out to me… (And I can’t remember who said it.) The person said, "If you find a woman who will stick with you, who will forgive you for all the boneheaded things you do, and who is able to talk you down when you’re about to do something extremely foolish, then you should do everything you can to convince her you’re worth marrying." And of all the pre-pre-marital advice I have heard… I have found that one to be one of the most insightful.

Now gentlemen, I’m going to ask you to be honest and just a little vulnerable in a second… We’re going to do a hand raising exercise, and so as to embolden you to own up, I’m going to let you know before the fact that I will be raising my hand… So here we go… Gentlemen, could I get you to raise your hand if you can point to times in your life where you have done something boneheaded or foolish? So there you have it ladies, look around… Us guys need you to help us keep our cover. We need you to help us look good. And while I say that as a somewhat humorous way to start off what has become a very charged topic in our culture, we’re going to see today that there is some Biblical truth to it.

Let look at the first few verses from our 2nd reading: 21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

We’re going to have to spend a minute talking about that word "submit". It has become become a dirty word in our culture. I’d say that in our culture—and indeed in our own minds—when we hear that word "submit" it brings to mind some negative things. I’d say this word has come to be associated with negative images of status, hierarchy, power of position, and domination. And before we go pointing the finger at feminists—or any other group for that matter—as being the sole reason that this Biblical concept has become such negative thing in our culture… we need to be ready to admit that there are many in Christian circles who have misapplied these verses….and in doing so, have enabled the mistreatment of women—be it emotional or physical abuse. That is certainly not what God has in mind when he uses that word "submit". God never intended the Scriptural principle of roles of men and women to be a doctrine that is used to oppress women. He never intended it to be a doctrine that suggests that women need to remain in a certain place and complete a certain list of tasks. He never intended it to be a doctrine that suggests that women are supposed to just sit there and take emotional or physical abuse. He never intended it to be a doctrine that gives men permission think of women as less valuable. Those are all horrible perversions of this doctrine.

Let’s think through this… Gentlemen, would you ever look at a lady—be it you wife or any other woman—and tell them that they are in any way a less valuable member of the body of Christ? No, of course not. And if you would, then there’s a problem because that’s a wrong way of thinking. In cases of emotional or physical abuse, there is a serious problem that needs to be addressed. My prayer is that those of us in the church (and indeed it’s our job) would step in and come to the aid of those that are in emotionally or physically abusive relationships—especially if it’s happening here among us. And in regard to the abuser in those situations, we are to come down on them as hard as rocks with God’s law, because God does not promote those things.

So we talked about how this doctrine has been misused and abused… but how are we to properly understand it? Let’s start by kind of reclaiming the Biblical definition for that word submit. The definition we’re going to go with is a "gentle yielding", respect, and honor. And that "gentile yielding", respect, and honor serves as a beautiful, powerful and attractive witness opportunity for everyone who sees it. It’s a powerful witness too because when you live that way, you are modeling the relationship between Christ and the church. And that gentle yielding, respect and honor has the power to change hearts.

We saw it in our 1st reading (1 Samuel 25:2-35). Abigail was stuck between two men who were acting extremely foolish. Her husband Nabal had ignored David’s request for help, and even worse, acted like he didn’t know David. He insulted David. And wouldn’t you know it, David starts acting like his pride was hurt. He gets vengeful and starts making some boneheaded threats. "May God deal with me ever so severely if I don’t kill every single male in Nabal’s household!" This was the man who had been on the run from Saul. David had been anointed as the true king, but Saul was still acting as king. Saul was jealous of David and so he pursued David with the intent of killing David. But David valued life. He had multiple chances he could have killed Saul, but he didn’t. And so that same David, God’s chosen king, now was about to bloody his hands with a senseless and vengeful act of violence. And so Abigail acts. She sees that her husband is failing in his role… and she sees that David is failing in his role and so she herself approaches David. She doesn't insert herself into this situation with the intention of shaming or alienating. Rather, with an attitude of gentile yielding, respect and honor she inserts herself in between these two men who are failing in their roles. And her gentle yielding, respect, and honor leads king David out of his pride and helps him see the error of his ways. She makes king David look good. She keeps him from looking like a fool and starting his reign off with this horrible act. Abigail is a beautiful and powerful example of how this gentle yielding, respect, and honor can diffuse a situation and bring about a change of heart. It is indeed a powerful witness tool.

Now gentlemen, we are by no means "off the hook" in all of this… let’s listen to the HUGE calling that we are given… We read verse 25, and then 28-30. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her….28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. So gentlemen, you are supposed to be Christ to your wife. And might we also make the application for those of us here today who aren’t married… we are to mirror Christ’s love, service, and self-sacrifice to every person we come in contact with. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. There are some pretty big implications in that verse. Christ could have looked down from heaven at humanity and said what a bunch of hopeless sinners. But he didn’t. God could have wiped us out and started over. But he didn’t. Rather Christ gave up his rights. He came down to earth, took on human form, and dedicated himself to a life of service...healing the sick, comforting the broken, feeding the hungry, washing the feet of his disciples… and then he gave up his life for us. Never once did Christ use his role as head of the church to demean, or cut down, or oppress, or ignore, or abuse. In his role as head of the church he served and gave up his life. Gentlemen, you living as Christ—mirroring Christ—is the lynchpin of this Biblical concept of roles of men and women. This may be too bold a statement, I’ll let you judge for yourself… But I can't help but wonder, if men in the Christian church throughout the world had always done a good job of being Christ for their wives, and mirroring Christ’s love to everyone they interact with, if this might not be the divisive topic in our culture that it is today. Gentlemen, may God help you live as Christ and mirror his love.

Often times in our circles we hear 3 purposes of marriage talked about: Children, companionship, and sex. But let us not miss this one in front of us today… one that may indeed be more important than the rest: The relationship between a husband and a wife is to mirror the relationship of Christ and the church. And when, with the help of God, we do a good job of mirroring that relationship between Christ and the church, it is indeed a powerful witness tool...because people don’t act like this naturally! The world around us asks, what can I do to promote myself? What can I do to make sure I succeed? How can I get ahead in life? (Or so often, when you find someone asking the question, what can I do for you?...there’s strings attached.) When we live up to roles God has laid out for us as his children, it looks bizarre to the world. Ladies, when you gently yield and show respect and honor it catches the world off-guard and makes them want to know more. Gentlemen when you act with the same attitude of Christ—self-sacrificing love, kindness, and patience—it catches the world off guard and makes them want to know more.

Just one more closing illustration of this. It was the gospel for today (Luke 7:36-50). A woman came to Jesus while he was at the house of a pharisee, and I would imagine, was surrounded by many other pharisees. The woman is described as having led a sinful life. And we can be certain that the religious leaders of that day and age were failing in their roles. They had become wrapped up in outward appearance… trying to make sure that their culture saw them as holy rollers. They failed to show love, mercy and forgiveness. And you can bet that they were failing to be Christ for not just this woman, but really they were failing to mirror Christ to anyone period. But this woman drowns out all the cultural noise and norms and she just goes to Jesus her Savior. And begins to cry. She kneels down and washes his feet with her tears and pours perfume on his feet. I can't help but wonder if any hearts were changed in that room that day. Whether they were or not, I doubt anyone in that room ever forgot what they saw that day.

May all of us follow that woman’s example. Men, sit at the feet of Jesus because in doing so, God strengthens us to mirror Christ in everything we do and for everyone we interact with. To show love, patience, kindness, gentleness, and service. And when we fail to do just that, may God help us to see it quickly, and own up to it so what we can step back and ask for forgiveness.

And ladies, may God use you to be the powerful witness tools you are. My prayer is that there would be men in your life who are Christ to you. And when there’s not, or should a man fail to be Christ to you, I pray that God would lead you to sit at the feet of Jesus your Savior and ask for his guidance and strength.

May we model the relationship between Christ and the church. May God strengthen us to live as mirrors of Christ’s love. Amen.



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